Michael Jackson an Alien! Just went home to planet Venus.

According to inside sources, Michael Jackson, the late great king of pop, was actually an alien creature wearing a mask. Over the decades his realistic space suit was degrading, requiring countless surgeries. Over time, the sun faded his suit from a chocolatey brown to a ghostly white. After awhile, there was a leak that developed in his space suit, over his chest, leading to a leak of argon gas. Michael Jackson's space suit apparatus used this argon gas for life, so this puncture meant he was in a desperate state. Later that day he called home to his home planet Venus and got exhumed from his ghostly death suit, and after stopping at a space port for gas, safely returned home with little trouble.

New Species Spotted in the Middle Eastern African Plains

Scientists speculate the world could be forever changed due to the recent discovery of a brand new species. The Kangaroozegoat is said to be extremely aggressive, and was reportedly responsible for raping 20 men who had gone on a hunting mission. One African described it like this '...the United Nations must help us rid the animals from our homes, and provide us with nuclear whizbangs to use in this matter." When told that the nukes would likely destroy his home, he declined to make a comment. Another African named Kunta Kinte said that he wished the new species to be named "Toby".

Pictures of African Pirate Crew Leaked and Sent to Authorities

Suspects thought to be extremely well armed with sparklers, fireworks, and possible pepper spray. Thought to be hostile and dangerous do to the high levels of sugar high (smuggling koolaid) and extremely intoxicated possible due to the Chronic. Authorities say their boat is extremely elusive, as it appears to be swaying in the waves at this time. Extreme caution should be used when attempting to prosecute, and it is suggested to play rap music as a defensive tactic.

Grapefruit Chickentooth


Bugeyed Willy MC Koolaid

Johnny Depp connection>?

Pirates In Africa Learning From Pirates of the Caribbean star Johnny Depp?

Dubious News had the honor of sitting down with the crew of the Black Pearl Raft for an exclusive interview. The crew says that after watching Johnny Depp in Pirates of the Caribbean they were inspired to become pirates, because it looked so fun and did so well in theaters. Longdong Willy, a long time first mate on the ship, provided us this sketch he did on the left, which he says resembles their ship they take out on the high seas on the daily. He says that being a pirate was "hella-cool, lol, jk jk" and that he was "super serious". When asked if he had any involvement with the pirates, Johnny Depp said that he did not have a comment yes or not at this time, but that his agent and his lawyers were checking into it as we speak. He also said that he was hung over from drinking rum and looking for Blackbeard, one of his long-time buddies. When asked to do an interview he sincerely declined.

Obama set to appear in Mortal Kombat 5, a Hollywood Movie

As this leaked internet picture clearly shows, our new president Barack Obama will likely be making his debut on screen, playing an onscreen character based on Raiden from the video game Mortal Kombat, who can never truly die, control lightning bolts, and teleport.. When asked about the role, the president said it was much like he envisioned the United States economy; only without the lightning bolts. In our sit down interview with Mr. Obama, he said he prepared for this role by flying his jet through time zones, and feels that he can now teleport back and forth through time by 1 hour. President Obama allegedly had considered undergoing plastic surgery to resemble his character more wholeheartedly, which would most likely lead him to an automatic Oscar worthy performance. Here is an alleged picture from a doctor who will be known as "X" who claims he has done many procedures for Mister Obama, including lip and nose augmentations, and breast augmentation. "Mister obama wanted to appear asian but was unhappy with the picture that we photoshopped for him." Shown here: